Friday, October 11, 2013

Should've, would've, could've....

As I sit here today, writing this post I'm replaying all the different should've, would've, could've scenarios in my head. Right now I should be arriving in Key West soon and preparing for tomorrow's Southernmost Marathon. I've trained for five months and this was the race that I never thought I would do....a marathon? Me? Ha! But I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. All the training had gotten me to this point. I was more than ready for this race, but my body had other plans. 

For the last four weeks, I've been battling something. Whether it was a head cold, a sinus infection, or the stomach bug...you name it, I was going through it. While I was on an antibiotic a few weeks back, I got sick again. I should've gone back to the doctor sooner, but I thought I could control it on my own. But I was wrong. 


I've missed five days of work with being sick lately. I kept thinking if I just rest, it will get better. I went to doctor this week, thinking I'm going to nip this sickness in the butt. On Tuesday, I got two shots and an antibiotic. I was so hopeful. But I should've known. By Thursday, I was ill. Felt like I was dying. I had been vomiting for almost 24 hours from the pressure in my head. From Tuesday to Thursday, I lost 6 pounds. Hell I can't lose 6 pounds to save my life in a good month, and now I was dropping weight like it was my job. Yesterday I got another shot and another round of prescriptions. I have a severe sinus infection and I am still fighting an upper respiratory infection. So here I am, with three shots and two prescriptions. Do I feel any better? A little bit, but now my new meds have me all dizzy. If it isn't one thing, it's another.
I would've gone to the doctor sooner if I realized how bad it was. Looking back I think I could've gotten all these meds weeks ago. But I just didn't realize how bad I was feeling. I kept trying to push through. My sights were set on Somo and that was all that mattered. My heart is crushed that I'm missing this race. Will there be another marathon for me to run? Of course. But now I feel like all my hard work was for nothing. I'm not even sure how to pick back up with my training now. Once I feel better, I will hit the pavement and work towards my goal...I WILL BE A MARATHONER...and hopefully it'll be sooner, rather than later.
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I need to stop worrying about what I should've done, what I would've done if I knew how sick  I was, and I what I could've done to make it all better. Honestly I'm not sure what I could've done, would've made things play out differently. I guess this just wasn't my race to run. 

Have you ever missed out on a goal? How did you pick back up?

17 comments:

  1. I am so incredibly sorry, Ashley...but you're doing the right thing and taking care of yourself. And you're right...you WILL be a marathoner :) Hugs to you and feel better soon!

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    1. Thanks Jen! I really appreciate the love! Why is it so hard to do the right thing sometimes? I wish I could be out there tomorrow..LOL

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  2. Wow. I can so relate. I trained for 18 weeks for the Lincoln Marathon a few years ago. I don't know why and I still don't understand why because I knew better and had done better prior, but I ate mostly simple carbs the day before. Guess how I performed in the marathon? Oh I was fine for 6 miles and barely made it through the 1/2 marathon. Then the next one I ran six weeks later ended up being in the 80's so I barely made it through. You think that all that training was for nothing, but it had to teach you something. You have learned, gained strength, and you know you can do it again. I started training August 1st for the Houston in January and just this week had to pull out for injury after realizing I should have rested weeks ago when the injury started, when I could have actually come back. Now it is too late. It's a terrible feeling. Horrible. But it's true - you'll have your race. You'll look back and go, "Oh, THAT'S why it worked out this way". Take care of yourself....Hugs!!!!

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    1. Glad to know I'm not alone! You're so right though. This missed marathon did teach me something. I'm training for Space Coast now and I will be take care of myself and be prepared. If it's meant to me, then it will be.

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  3. So sorry Ashley. Having just experienced a nasty flu and an antibiotic for 10 days, I can appreciate what you are going through. Missing a race you had trained for is very disappointing. Hopefully you can look forward to another marathon and stay busy this weekend so you don't think about it too much. Hugs!

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    1. Thanks so much! As disappointing as it was, it could have been a lot worse in the grand scheme of life. Luckily I'm feeling so much better and I'm back running again! Life is good!

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  4. I'm so sorry you're missing your big race, Ashley. Sending you lots of hugs, I hope you're feeling better SOON!

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  5. Ashley, I'm so sorry, love! You will start to feel better, and get back to it. And when you pick your race, you will ROCK it!!!

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    1. You were so right! I'm back to it and feeling good. I WILL rock Space Coast.

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  6. So sorry to hear this Ashley, I am so sorry you are going through this! That training won't have been for nothing though, look at it as a warmup for January. You will be a marathoner. Hope you feel better soon. :)

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    1. Thanks Maggie! It has been the best warm up ever. January is my ultimate goal, so I know this preparation, both physically and mentally, has me one step close to my goal!

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  7. I'm sorry to hear this Ashley! Hugs and prayers for healing my friend!

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    1. Thank you Patty! The hugs and prayers worked because I'm back to feeling good and running again!

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  8. UGH!! I can feel through your words how crushed you are. And you wrote at least three times "I should have gone to the doctor sooner". Stop beating yourself up over that - you did the best you could:(. And yes YOU WILL BE A MARATHONER!! Chin up and hang in there - hoping your body is back to 100% very soon!!

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    1. Your comment spoke volumes to me! You were right. I was beating myself up over it and your comment helped me with letting it go. My body is back to feeling great! Thanks for your kind words!

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